How did I get to this point......?

I have 'struggled' with my weight since my daughter was born 18.5 years ago. I wasn't overweight as a child and I was slim in my early teens. After my daughter was born I felt 'fat'. Looking back I wasn't (I was wearing size 12 jeans) but since then (age 18/19) I have perceived myself as needing to lose weight. Before that point food didn't really bother me that much - I ate of course but - it certainly didn't consume me and my every waking moment. Over the years the weight piled on. I tried every diet going - cabbage soup was particularly memorable (the more you eat the thinner you will get was the sensational claim!) - and I lost a few pounds here and there but nothing significant and nothing permanent. When I was 26 my first husband left me very unexpectedly. I coped wonderfully (everyone said so) by stopping eating - COMPLETELY (I was drinking water and managing a mouthful of chicken noodle soup every few days - I could not swallow anything more than that). Over the next six weeks (that's how long I did not eat for)the weight fell off me. Other than the 'not eating thing' I appeared, to the outside world at least, to be coping and everyone said how 'amazing' I was looking; my weight dropped from 15st 7lbs to 12st in a little over 3 months. 5 months after my first marriage ended I met my second husband - the love of my life (to this day). I was a size 12 and in love. I felt desirable, alive and healthy for the first time in along time - I wouldn't sabotage all of that surely.........?

Hippos are my favourite wild animal but I am fed up of feeling like one!!