One year on - my Bandiversary :)

One year ago today I had my gastric band operation.  It has been quite a year and my 2012 New Years' resolution to lose weight has been achieved. Geldof (my band) has surpassed all of my expectations.

I reached my weight-loss target in August and I have maintained my weight (between 11st and 11st 6lbs) since then.  I am a comfortable dress size 10/12 and bra size 34F (this time last year I was an uncomfortable size 18/20 and bra size 38H).

For the most part I avoid all refined carbohydrates and I eat a high protein diet.  I do not count calories or grammes of carb, and I do not weigh or measure my food.

I eat only when I am hungry (unless social convention demands I eat when not actively hungry); I usually eat from a small bowl and I am mindful to chew my food well. I have always drunk with my meals (allowing a few seconds between swallowing food and taking a drink) and I stop eating when I am no longer actively hungry.  Most importantly: if I am not enjoying what I am eating, if it is not totally delicious, I do not eat it.  I have recognised that there is no bigger waste of food than putting it into my body when I don't want or need it (doing so will not stop children in Africa being hungry afterall!)

My band has never restricted my eating but it does dull my hunger and allow me to feel satisfied after a reasonable amount of food. I can eat all foods and have only experienced food regurgitation twice (both occasions were as a result of strong emotion causing my band to tighten).

The most challenging, and most liberating, part of my journey this year was coming to terms with, and then addressing, my emotional eating.  I have recognised that I want to eat for many reasons and that hunger is the least common of them!

Food tastes nice and has great capacity to entertain, distract and comfort. But only momentarily. The harsh - but true - reality is that when I use food to address any need other than hunger I will ultimately fail (because my need will remain unmet and I will also feel bad for eating something I didn't need.  

The thing about a compulsion to eat for a reason other than hunger is it is sooooo powerful.  Before Christmas I found myself stood staring at a tupperware box full of fresh homemade treats, everyone was out of the house, nobody would know, it would taste so good, one wouldn't hurt ect. etc.... I slammed the cupboard door shut and walked away; what was I thinking?!?!......... Only to find myself back and removing the box from the cupboard moments later. I opened the box, they smelt sooo good!  I knew I wouldn't only eat one of course. With stupendous effort I reminded myself: If the problem is not hunger the solution is not food!  I realised I was feeling stressed (3-4 days business admin that I needed to do in a 1.5 days); the solution, of course, was for me to get out to my office and work not to sit and eat.  Having recognised, and named, what the problem actually was (i.e. stress not hunger) I was able to put the box back in the cupboard and walk away. Yay me!

I often hear people, who struggle with their weight, saying they want to eat like a slim person - that they don't want to deny themselves anything and to instead have only a little of what they fancy. I think differently. If I could do that I would never have needed a gastric band. The truth is I am a food addict (carbs being my weakness) and I cannot moderate my consumption of certain foods (chocolate being the prime example). My looking at the way 'naturally' slim people eat and telling myself "I want to do that", is as unrealistic as an alcoholic looking at the way non-alcoholics drink and saying to themselves "I'll just have a couple of glasses and then stop - that's what non-alcoholics do".  For some, alcohol becomes an addiction and abstinence is the only solution - that's how it is with me and chocolate (alcohol, however, I can easily take or leave - mostly I leave it). 

In the past year I have lost my excess weight - HURRAH - but I have only done so by making considerable changes to the way I eat and to the way I think about food. This new way of eating will be with me for life and it takes conscious and deliberate effort - every day - to stick with it.

I don't regret having the band for a second and I would do so again in a heartbeat.

My most superficial (but dearest) wish this time last year was that I would be able to wear gorgeous lingerie, including stockings and suspenders :). I have achieved my wish. A photo of me in said lingerie on my blog would be way too revealing - instead  here's a 'sketch' of what that might look like ;).....................

A sketch of what I might look like in my undies ;)

Happy New Year!

Post-Christmas, and almost a year on......

I've had a wonderful Christmas. Lots of time spent with my lovely family and not a moment taken for granted.

As planned I lost a few pounds in the week preceding Christmas (I weighed 11st 3lbs on Christmas Eve) and I have indulged in refined carbohydrates over the festive period (weight this morning = 11st 6lbs). I will get back onto my high-protein low-carb regime on 1st Jan 2013 and follow my band rules to the letter for a few weeks. 

My band rules:

• No refined carbs.
• Focus meals around protein.
• Remember that dietary fat is not a bad thing (dietary sugar is!).
• Sensible portion size (I usually eat from the soup bowl pictured below).

The bowl I eat most of my meals from

• Only eat when actively hungry.
• Small bite of food, chew it well, swallow and WAIT for food to pass through the band.
• Eat MINDFULLY - always.
• Stop eating when no longer actively hungry (leave unneeded food in the bowl)
• Drink plenty of water.

Almost a year on from my band-op my body has changed a lot:

Inches lost:

• CHEST; from 48" to 40"                  =   8"
• RIBS; from 39" to 31.75"                 =  7.25"
• WAIST; from 40" to 27.5"               =  12.5"
• TUMMY; from 48" to 35"               =  13"
• HIPS; from 50" to 39.5"                  =  10.5"
• UPPER ARM; from 14" to 10.75"  =  3.25"
• THIGH; from 31" to 22.75"            =  8 .25"

            TOTAL INCHES LOST             =  62.75"

This New Year my resolution is to maintain my weight loss and to be more committed to exercise.  I've not been using my vibration plate much since the summer and I can certainly feel the difference in my muscle tone and general fitness. I've used the time off over Christmas to get back into the habit of using it. I can feel the benefit already :D. 

I also intend to appreciate every moment I get to spend with my Darling Mum. Time is so very precious. 

I hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas out there in cyber-world xx

Preparing for Christmas

Christmas, for most, is about excess. Food (and by food I meant CARBS), alcohol (since being banded I have only drunk a few glasses of alcohol whilst on holiday), snacks, parties and the likes.

Last Christmas I was on my pre-op diet :). This year I am at target and intend to allow myself a few 'treats' (bring on the champagne :)).  I've been baking and have cupboards full of slabs of millionaires shortbread, jars of homemade baileys and white chocolate fudge, tupperware stuffed with homemade pastries and triple chocolate muffins.  I had a tiny taste of some of it yesterday (when I finished making it all). I will now abstain completely (for now at least).

Christmas 2012 Tree

Christmas Day is a week today. In preparation, today, I have placed myself back on a strict low-carb diet (for the past few months I have been eating some carb to keep myself out of ketosis, otherwise I would have continued to lose weight). I hope to drop a few pounds before Christmas Day to give myself a 'buffer' and prevent the Christmas excesses pushing me back over my target weight.

I weighed myself this morning and I was 11st 7lbs (one pound over target!!) I hope to be 11st 4lbs by Christmas Eve. Wish me luck :D

This Christmas will almost certainly be my darling mums' last. I intend to enjoy my family whilst it remains whole. My mum has always made Christmas so very special and I know this one will be no exception.

I hope you all enjoy the festivities. X

Yuletide Felicitations to you all :)

This time last year I had a dream.........

Hello :)

 This time last year I was on my pre-op diet. I was so hopeful that a gastric band would be the answer to my weight problem. As an adult I had never been 'normal weight'. I was despondent that I ever would be. I had become resigned to the fact that I was a fat person, and that was how I was 'meant' to be.  I believed that no matter how hard I tried I would never be truly slim. Or at least most of me did; part of me (a hopeful and aspirational part of me) dreamed of: 

•   being 'normal weight';
•   being fit and healthy;
•   feeling sexy (and being able to wear gorgeous matching undies including stockings and suspenders;));
•   wearing size 10/12 clothes and feeling good in them;
•   feeling in control of my eating and my cravings;
•   making my husband proud;
•   my thighs not rubbing together when I walked;
•   not hiding whenever a camera was pointed in my direction;
•   my joints not aching;
•   sitting comfortably in airplane, train or cinema seat;



All of the above seemed so far away this time last year.  But my journey had begun and I was motivated and determined.


I am happy to report that I have achieved my dream (all of the above) :)

Bx

Restriction???

On the forum that I frequent, there has been some interesting debate recently about 'restriction' (a term I, personally, do not like with reference to gastric bands).  Geldof (my band) has never restricted me from eating and nor would I like him to. 

I much prefer the 'red, green and yellow zone' terminology used by the company who manufacture the band.

Optimal band adjustment

I urge any bandits, or would be bandits, who are not already familiar with the Adjustable Gastric Band Systems Manual [clicky clicky] to become so.

Since being banded I have had three small fills (two before I reached my goal and one since). I was offered 3 or 4 other fills but turned them down because I was already in the 'green zone' and did not want to 'fix' something that was already working.  Getting a fill when I was already in the green zone would likely have pushed me into the red (not a place I EVER want to be). 

My band adjustment history:

• My surgeon put 4.5ml in my band when he positioned it.
• My first fill added 1ml and took me into the green zone.
• My second fill added a further 0.5ml.
• My most recent fill increased the amount in my band by 0.25ml. Taking the total amount of saline in my band to 6.25ml. 

I requested fills only when I slipped into the yellow zone and was experiencing more hunger and feeling less satisfied with small meals.  each small fill took me well and truly back into the green zone (satiety and satisfaction NOT restriction).

BeBea xx

PS I've noticed my blog has become less focused on band stuff and eating recently - I guess that reflects me :D  I too am much less focused on eating and dieting.  I'm busy getting on with living as a slimmer person :) :) :).

My first ever coat (as an adult) that fits perfectly :)

My coat arrived this morning :)  I love it :)

New coat, new coat, BeBea-BeBea-new-coat

Bandboy's blog

You might want to check out bandboys  blog.

He is fairly recently banded (August 2012) and his blog looks set to be an informative and honest read.

X

Cheaply and simply altering a coat

Losing weight can be a costly business especially when good quality clothing, that is now too big, needs to be replaced. 

I am no seamstress but I can work a sewing machine (the basic features at least) and I can crudely sew by hand.  Even if I didn't already own a sewing machine I'd be tempted to purchase one because the cost of a machine is more than paid for by the savings involved in altering, as opposed to replacing, good quality garments.

I have given lots of clothes to charity shops but have altered a few key pieces.  The alterations are far from professional but they are not visible when the clothes are on so they are good enough. 

Yesterday I altered the coat pictured below.

Coat before adjustment (hangs shapelessly from my bust)

On the inside I pinned left and right seam (from under arms to hem), taking the coat in by 10" (5" each side) at the hem and gradually decreasing the amount to meet the original seam directly under the arms. 

I tried the coat on to make sure the pins were correctly placed. 

Unfortunately the coat (it is fur lined) is too thick to fit under the foot on my sewing machine so hand stitching was the only option. I used thick thread doubled then quadrupled through the needle. 

Pinned then sewed a new seam - 2.5" in at coat hem and decreasing
 to meets the original seam under the arm.

The excess material will fold neatly inside the coat
and be invisible when I wear it

The seam does not look 'pretty' and anyone inspecting it would know it was altered by a complete amateur.  However, the alteration was free, I get to keep my coat and when it is worn it is not possible to see the crude alteration. What do you think?

The altered coat fits much more flatteringly

close up of the seam

front view

I have altered a-line skirts and simple dresses using this same crude, yet inexpensive, technique.  It is gratifying on numerous levels to do so :)

Happy sewing.

BeBea xx

Cheap, cheap, cheap new dress.......

I didn't manage to buy a coat this weekend.  I've ordered one online - the FatFace parka pictured in my post below.  The shop didn't have a size 12 in stock - the 10 fit but was tight across the chest (I am looking forward to owning coats that are not tight across the chest thus limiting arm manoeuvrability :)).

I did get cheap dress from Matalan though (I'm usually more of a White Stuff, FatFace, QUBA or small boutique gal when it comes to clothes).  It was only £16!  I may well venture into the clothing department of Matalan more often.

In my new dress Hubby thinks I look like I am going to a Star Trek convention :)

Last night I sat and sewed crude new seams into another coat that I already have (effectively taking it in).    I'll post before and after pics of that later. 

Bx

Going winter coat shopping today :)

I'm hunting for this :) (this one is FatFace)

I am very excited to be going winter coat shopping today. It is brilliant to be able to walk into any shop and pick a size 12 (or even 10!!) off the rail and for it to fit!  Even across my chest :D.

Buying a winter coat, in the past, was an especially miserable business and I never got what I actually wanted.  I always had to 'settle' for any coat that fastened over my chest.  Or, more often, a coat that fit elsewhere but didn't meet across my chest (my bust would spill out and need to be covered with a scarf on colder days).

The coat that I adjusted, and blogged about below, was an example of that. It now fits nicely across my chest :) 

I have numerous other coats that are too big now.  They will 'do' but are far from flattering - and I figure that I have worked so hard to lose the weight, and a coat is such a significant piece as it is worn most days, that I deserve to have one that I love and one that fits well :).

I'm looking to buy a casual coat today (preferably the FatFace Parka pictured above); A couple of months ago I treated myself to a smart coat from White Stuff (as pictured below).  I love it but as it doesn't have a hood, and is pale in colour, it is not suitable for dog walking and the likes..

Lovely White Stuff coat that I treated myself to earlier this year.

Wish me luck with my shopping trip :). I'll post pics later if I find 'the coat'.

Bx

Knobs - they complete things nicely :)

The knobs arrived for my cabinets today.  Hubby and I fitted them this evening.  I'm very happy with the overall look :).

Close-up

Bedside cabinet complete with crystal knobs

I covered a few scatter cushions with unused fabric - one of them can be seen on the chair in the
photo above (can't have too many scatter cushions!) 

I'm thinking a project such as this might be a good way for bandits to use up pretty fabrics from clothes that are too big for them (a wonderful way to concretely depict such positive transformation). Denim / old jeans would work great (especially if a slightly different shade were used for each drawer).

All you need is:

* fabric;
* heavy duty stapler (mine cost £6 from B&Q);
* glue (mod podge) and glue spreader;
* pinking shears (the ones that cut fabric in a zig/zag to prevent the material from fraying over time - you could instead hem each bit of material);
* iron and ironing board;
* chalk and measure/straight edge (for marking material where it needs to be cut).

The method:

1) remove any drawer handles and make sure the cabinet is very clean and free from grease etc (sugar soap and elbow grease);
2) measure height and width of drawer front (or cupboard door) to be covered, then add double the depth of drawer front AND an inch to each dimension (this will allow 1/2 inch to fold over onto back of each drawer for fixing);
3) mark out and cut material to the above dimensions and iron it;
4) spread glue onto drawer front and sides;
5) place material to the drawer front and shuffle it into place;
6) smooth well onto front (removing wrinkles and ensuring the pattern is straight);
7) pull the material tightly and fix with staples to the back of the drawer;
8) repeat for each drawer;
9) when glue is dry (approx. an hour) you can attach handles.

If your cabinet drawers are easily removable all the better as you can bring the drawer to a convenient workspace. Mine weren't (that meant I didn't need to empty the drawers but did end up laying in some awkward positions to staple the underside of the bottom drawers). 

It really is that easy. Very gratifying though.

BeBea xx 



Bx

Altering clothes so they fit my slimmer frame

Some clothes I am reluctant to get rid of despite them being too big. I am not, by any means, good at sewing but I can work my sewing machine and I can do a few stitches by hand.

With a few simple dresses and a-line skirts I have reduced their size by turning them inside out and running a line of stitches an inch or two inside the existing seams (this turns size 18s into size 10/12s).  It is not a professional job but it is free and when turned the right way around it is not possible to see the alterations :).

This weekend I unpacked my winter coats. I was apprehensive about trying on a coat I bought, thankfully not when at my biggest, as I knew it would be too big and I love it. It was was pricey and purchased from a gorgeous boutique on a memorable visit to Warwick with hubby. I loved it so much I bought it despite it being being a hot and sunny August day!

As predicted, when I tried it on this weekend, the coat was unflatteringly loose on my new frame. It fitted well across my bust (which is great as it was always very tight there) but was way too big around the middle. I looked at how I could alter it and realised that a few simple stitches to the back (either side of back waist band) would nip the coat in by 8" at the waist and create two flattering pleats into the bargain :).

The alteration to the coat took 10 minutes.

A few stitches added to the back of my beloved winter coat has nipped
it in at the waist nicely (creating two new pleats at the back) :)

Front

Back

Forgetting to eat!

Yesterday I spent the day renovating my old bedroom furniture. I was so absorbed in my project I totally forgot to eat. I ate literally nothing until 10pm at night (when I had a yummy omelette).   Pre-band I would not have forgotten to eat for an entire day!  

I promised myself when I got to target I would decorate my bedroom and revamp my wardrobes (to accommodate my lovely clothes). I spent last weekend decorating and yesterday I covered two chests of drawers in contasting fabrics. I am rather pleased with the results (see pics).  I have ordered some little crystal handles to finish them off. 

My bedroom is almost complete - a new carpet is needed (as you can see from the photos below!) and a pelmet needs to be added to the new sliding wardrobe doors (hubby has that in hand - that is next weekends' project :)).

My Saturday creative project :)

I decorated the bedroom without assistance - before I lost weight my arms would have been screaming their protest at having to paint an entire ceiling and 4 walls (the walls required 3 coats of paint as they were a hideous orange previously).

Each drawer front is covered in contrasting fabric (using glue and staples) - small crystal
 drawer knobs will be added to the centre of each drawer to complete the look :)

Dobby (my gorgeous chocolate lab') rather likes the new decor :)

"I think I'll have a snooze here to give me enough energy for my big sleep later :)"

Rewarding myself with time to indulge my creative side is so much more enjoyable, and fulfilling, than buying myself chocolate and junk to eat (as I would have done once upon a time.......) :D

BeBea x

My sanctuary and Dobby's too (a new bed I made for him this
weekend can be seen at the bottom left of the photo) :)

Controlling emotional eating

In the past, like many overweight and obese people, I would often eat when I was not hungry. Infact, prior to being banded, I hardly ever ate because I was hungry. I rarely went without food long enough to physically become hungry. I craved food, I obsessed about food and I wanted food but not due to physical need (not very often at least). 

The experience of being banded has had the unexpected, but very welcome, result of my recognising and conquering my emotional eating habits. Interestingly I don't think I would have been able to address them pre-band because it is the experience if being banded that has enabled me to recognise how I used to use food. 

My emotional connection to food was at serious odds with the very basic rules of being banded, namely: 

• only eat when hungry;
• eat slowly and consciously;
• eat small portions, off a small plate;
• and stop eating when no longer hungry. 

None of the above allowed for emotional eating and, as a result, I became aware that I used to eat for reasons other than hunger. I read a book on emotional eating and that helped me to identify what my triggers are (mostly work stress, sadness and boredom).  

I learnt to chant the mantra "if the problem is not hunger the solution is not food" in my head whenever I felt a compulsion to eat.

Now when I feel the urge to reach for food when I am not physically hungry I address it thus:

Step one: if the problem is not hunger then what is it?

Step two: what would be a more appropriate response to the problem?


Ultimately I have had to come to terms with the fact that food can be a lovely distraction from stuff I don't want to do or think, can entertain me when I am bored, can comfort me when I am sad etc. BUT only temporarily and after I have eaten I am still overworked, sad, bored etc. but I have the additional problem of my having overeaten and that makes me feel bad (and physically I know the consequences that overeating have for me). 

I have to remain vigilant and sometimes resisting the urge to soothe my emotions with food is very, very difficult. But it's becoming easier and easier - practice makes perfect afterall..........

Exactly 9 months post op - update on incision scars

Hello :)

I am exactly 9 months post op.  I am thrilled with Geldof (my band).  I couldn't have hoped for better results.  I have reached my weight loss and inch loss goal and I am now working on maintaining that loss.  I am healthier, happier and much, much fitter :)

I have taken photos of my scars this morning.  They are very faded now and they didn't concern me at all when I was wearing a bikini on both of my recent holidays.

Scars 9 months post-op.

Scars 6 months post-op

Scars 5 months pot-op

Scars 5 weeks post-op

Incisions 5 hours post-op

Visiting my ex-husband in Santa Ponça

Santa Ponça

I'm posting this from Santa Ponça, Mallorca. I'm out here visiting my ex-husband (who is like a best friend/brother to me). He is out here living and working (as a musician / singer) for the summer season. 

I have had a great week. So much better (I am certain) than it would have been had I not lost weight. I have swum in the gorgeous sea every day (at least a mile each time), I have danced and danced and danced (two nights ago I was still dancing at 4am - and fell into bed at 5.30am).

Night out at Durty Nellys (my ex is on the right) 

My dance buddy was a 22year old adorable young woman who works with my ex - I certainly couldn't have kept up with a 22year old when I was 88lbs heavier!

Gorgeous bay where I swum each day

About to take a dip 

I have stuck to my diet, and drank plenty of water and tea (a solitary glass of alcohol on my first night).  It has been wonderful to catch up with my ex and to see him perform (he is a fantastic musician and singer).

View from the balcony where I am sitting typing this post

Tomorrow is my last day here.  I head home to my gorgeous hubby (I've missed him terribly) and family on Sunday morning.  I will be sad to say goodbye to both my ex and Santa Ponça and overjoyed to see hubby, kids and my adorable puppy :)

We'll see what the scales say when I get home.

UPDATE:  I am now home and my weight is exactly the same as when I left (yay!!)  I am booked for a fill on Wednesday (third one since being banded).  I hope that will help me to maintain my weight loss.

I am no longer fat - it's OFFICIAL!!

Normal BMI!!!

For the first time since I was 18 years old my BMI is below 25!!  Only just at 24.9 but, regardless, I am now OFFICIALLY considered normal weight for my height. YAY ME :D!

When I started this process I decided if I got to target I would 'reward' myself with new bedroom furniture, remodelling of my built in wardrobes (to accommodate my lovely size 12 clothes :)) and redecoration.  The furniture is on order and the new wardrobe doors are waiting to be fitted.  I am a very lucky girl :).

On Monday I am flying out to Mallorca for a week long visit with my first husband (who is like a brother to me), he is working as a musician in a hotel out there.  I am planning to do lots of swimming and walking when I'm there (he tends to sleep very late in the day so I'll have lots of time each morning to get myself to the beach and swim, swim, swim, swim :)).

xxx