Scale victory!!!!

Although today is not 'official' weigh-in day I popped on the scale this morning curious to know if the 8lb loss in the week following my band aspiration was an anomaly.


The scales read 10st 13lbs!!!!!!!


I have not weighed 10st something since before I got pregnant with my daughter aged 18.  I am thrilled and stunned.

That means I have lost 10lbs in the 9 days following my full aspiration.  Even though today is not official weigh-in day (that is Sunday) I cannot resist updating my ticker :D........

Awesome weight loss following band aspiration :)!!

I had my band emptied on Monday, weighed myself before I went and I weighed 11st 9lbs.  3lbs heavier than my target weight :(

I weighed myself this morning and I am 11st 1lb :)  Yay-diddily-yay-yay!!!!!!

8lb loss in a week :D  -  WHOOP!!!!!

I have also lost inches (an inch from my hips and and inch and a half around my waist).  I've lost an inch around my bust too (that is more to do with my uplift/reduction surgery than my diet I am sure :)

Vital stats currently read 40 - 27.5 - 40   (giving me a waist-hip ratio of 0.68, the calculator I used rates this as  "excellent" :) )

Ive been eating high protein, low carb diet and am back in ketosis :)

Happy bunny today......

My new titties............

..........are awesome!

I am back from Dolan Park having had phase one (uplift) of my breast surgery yesterday.

Mr Russo - my surgeon - has done an excellent job.  Even this soon after surgery the results are remarkable.  My boob shape and position is unrecognisable to that which I was left with after weight loss.

Getting on with the business for recovery now :)

Empty band!

I am back at Dolan Park tomorrow for my breast uplift surgery - feeling a little anxious!

Yesterday I had my band fully aspirated (a requirement for me to undergo surgery).

I actually needed an aspiration - the hot weather had caused my band to become tight.  Good foods were more and more difficult to eat and I stopped 'fancying' them; I also regurgitated food on 4 occasions in the past month (more than in the rest of my banded life!).

As a result of my tight band I was eating a lot of slider foods - ice cream, sweets, cereal, deserts etc.  Mostly carb and not at all what I have eaten since my band journey began.  I was also hungry :(.  I have gained a few pounds too :(

I was feeling hungry when I went to my appointment yesterday morning and as soon as the aspiration happened my hunger went away!  I haven't really felt hungry since :) and I have not eaten - or wanted to eat - junk.  I had chicken and bacon salad for my dinner yesterday, a small amount of chicken salad for my lunch today and I've just enjoyed some pate with cucumber and tomato for my dinner.

After my surgery tomorrow I will be back on it - high protein, low carb diet and no more junk.

Going to have band fully aspirated!

A nurse from THG phoned me today to talk through pre-surgery "stuff".   All good as far as my health is concerned and no issues with my having the breast uplift surgery on 24th July :D. I will need my band to be emptied prior to the surgery however.

It is to do with the anaesthetic and possible complications resulting from acid getting stuck above the band in the oesophagus whilst unconscious etc.  Damage to oesophagus is not something I want nor is the possibility of acid making its way into my lungs and causing havoc for my post surgery recovery...

I am curious as to how I will feel with an empty band.  I guess I will learn just how much the band is dimming my hunger.

I am booked in to have the band fully aspirated on 22nd July (two days before my surgery).

I'll let you know how I get on :)



P.S. I paid off the balance for my surgery a couple of days ago - my new titties are definitely going to happen!!!

Photos - walk with dog 2nd June 2013

Hello :)

My gorgeous chocolate lab Dobby 

Dobby has been instrumental in my weight loss -
walk, walk, walk, walk :)

"Hello Muma - I love you"

Breast uplift......!!!!!!!

Yesterday I paid the deposit for another operation with THG (The Hospital Group)...............!

I am very excited to tell you that on 24th July I will be having a breast uplift.  A few weeks later I will be having breast implants.

Having lost the excess weight I was carrying I am relatively fortunate to have been left with little excess skin (I do have a little puckering on my lower abdomen and my inner thighs).  My boobs, however, have not fared well :(

I have always had big breasts and, with weight loss, I am still fairly well endowed (34F bra) but the loss of breast tissue has resulted in boobs that don't look great without a bra :(.  I am therefore going to treat myself to a breast uplift and, 6 weeks later, implants.  Since the uplift will likely result in loss of a cup size the final result should be a perky pair of lovely titties that are a cup size(ish) bigger than I currently have.

Having worked so hard to lose the weight, and to maintain that loss, I hate that my breasts - without the support of a bra - are pendulous and, even worse, that they disappear under my arms when I lie down.

It was bothering me so much I had even deliberately gained 7lbs to see if that would improve their appearance (it didn't!!)  I have now lost the gained weight and I am happily anticipating my operation at the end of July :)

Nudged by bandit friends

Hello :)

I haven't updated my blog in a long while.  The main reason is to do with my being so very busy with my business; but I guess the other, less conscious, influencing factor is that I am wrapped up in living life as a slimmer person and I don't really think about weight or food or band related stuff that often.  Yay me!!

Recently I have been nudged by a few bandit friends.   Bandboy, via this blog, and a couple of others who PM'd me on the forum I used obsessively whilst I was in the losing phase and for the first few months of maintenance.

Most were worried that I was not okay, others were concerned about my mum (you lovely people) and enquiring after my son who was assaulted a little over a year ago.

Apologies to all of you - my 'disappearance' from my own blog and from the forum was not intended to cause concern.

I am maintaining my weight and loving being slimmer and healthier in every area of my life.

My mum is as well as can be expected at this stage and she is busy working her way through her "bucket list" :)  I spend as much time as I am able with her and I will always be grateful for these months.

My son is absolutely fine :)  He has some scarring (externally at least) but has grown through his horrific experience stronger and I couldn't be more proud of him.  Here he is on Christmas day with with darling mum :)

My Darling Mum with her Grandson Christmas 2012

My son the day after he was assaulted with a bottle March 2012
(the first pic is him 7 months on from this photo - notice the buttoned up top to hide his scar) 

I've had some interesting experiences recently with my band tightening.  That warrants a separate post though.  I'll add that to my 'to do' list :)

I'm going out to a gig tonight.  I might see if I can get a photo or two of me there to update my blog with how I am looking these days.

X

What do you think...........?

I've stepped up my exercise again.............

I have been a bit lax with exercising since the summer. I can really feel the impact of that on my muscle tone and my general fitness. I am committing myself to doing more exercise this year. Primarily I intend to use my vibration platform on a regular basis. I will also endeavour to use the physical fitness games on x-box kinect.  I don't know why I haven't used it much in he past - whenever I do I enjoy myself and I definitely feel that I have engaged in a serious workout!

In order to make myself more accountable I intend to update the post with many dedicated exercise I engage in over the next few weeks.

Exercise log:

13/01/13:  30mins vibration plate; 90mins kinect.
15/01/13:  30mins vibration plate; 60mins kinect.
19/01/13:  60mins vibration plate.

Another non-scale victory: I gave blood today :)............

Today I gave blood for the first time .  I have wanted to do it for years; somehow, however, I never got around to it. 

The real reason I never went was to do with my weight. Part of me was afraid they would reject me for being unfit/overweight - I had no evidence they would but that was my irrational fear. I also knew finding a vein would be difficult when I was bigger.  I tended to avoid medics when I was obese, somehow I felt more 'visible' when in a medical setting (infact one of my motivations for doing the Cambridge Diet in late 2008 was because I knew my mirena coil was due to be changed and I couldn't bring myself to go to my doctor as big as I was!)

Just home from donating blood for the first time :)

Giving blood was fine. The challenge was refusing the carbs they try to insist you eat afterwards.  The lovely refreshments lady was like a "pusher" with her biscuits and bags of crisps.  I was a little surprised that the NHS was trying to insist doners ate such unhealthy rubbish after their donation.  I understand their wanting to ensure people don't become weak or faint and the general consensus is that carbs are the best way to provide quick energy (what happens after the sugar spike has abated is another matter of course) but why not offer fruit?  Fruit is packed with fructose (if sugar is what they want to get into folk) and generally accepted to be much more healthy than crisps or biscuits (the crisps were Seebrooks - totally yummy but - very, very high in calories, fat and salt when compared to most other brands). 

I managed to politely refuse the numerous offers of biscuits, crisps and sugary squash.  Yes I was sure that water and sugarless tea was sufficient thank-you.  The woman sitting next to me ate her way through 4 packets of biscuits (with 3 biscuits in each pack) saying she felt so weak she couldn't open the packets (I did that for her!)

Bx

Laparoscopic surgery scars one year on......

Scars 12 months post-op

Looking through old photos last night - warning bells.........

I was looking at old photos last night, searching for pictures of me when I was bigger; they are few and far between because I was adept at hiding from cameras and I deleted most photos that were taken.  The photos that survived my "culling" I have included in the "before and after" section of this blog.

It was a bitter-sweet experience looking through the snaps and especially poignant after writing the post below.  As I searched through the pictures I recognised the fact that part of my ongoing difficulty with perceiving myself as a slimmer person is that part of me feels like this is a dream.  It was a dream for so long after-all.

The trouble with dreams (good dreams I mean) is that when you wake up from them everything is as it was before the dream occurred.  The photo of myself after I lost weight in 2009 is especially upsetting for me to look at.  I lost a lot of weight but, I now realise, my brain never perceived my new size and shape accurately.  I still felt fat and it is therefore no surprise that I ate my way back to meet that perception.

Anyone who has ever read anything about weight loss, listened to an "I can make you slim" type hypnotism CD, or been to a fat fighters club (and if you are reading my blog I imagine you have) knows that it is important to focus on imagery of yourself as slim and healthy if that is how you want to be.

In short, unless I get it sorted, my messed up self perception could be the undoing of me - AGAIN!!

Okay, so that is where I need to place my energy.  2013 is the year that I intend to become better at perceiving myself accurately in terms of size and shape.  Exercise will form part of that (to get me into my body and out of my head) and I need to indulge in the vanity stuff of looking in mirrors even more than I am already!!!!

Just to get me started, here is a pic I took of myself this morning in the dress I bought from Mistral yesterday.

Dobby says he likes my new dress :)

Self concept catching up with body size/shape......

A thread on the Gastric Surgery Friends Forum this evening has got me thinking about my perception of myself and the fact that I really struggled with my head recognising my new body size/shape as I was losing weight (and to some extent now I am at target). 

I was shrinking but my perception of my size, the amount of space I took up and my body shape remained that of a much larger woman. 

My Ah-ha moment came when I saw myself on video (working out on my vibration plate). I was genuinely of the opinion that my thighs were huge (and I mean truly enormous). Looking at the video I was totally stunned - I could see on the video what I couldn't see in still photos and/or in the mirror - my thighs were entirely in proportion to the rest of me. 

I very much recommend anyone who is struggling with seeing themselves as they actually are to video themselves moving around and to watch it back. 

Since my bedroom revamp one wall is now almost entirely mirror. I spend a lot of time looking at myself in those mirrors (so vain) and moving around infront of them. Partly it is vanity (I worked hard to shed that weight) but largely it is about identity and giving myself visual feedback to 'update' my self-concept.  The mirrored area is so large it allows me a similar perspective to watching myself on video.

Moving images seem to translate so much better into updated self concept.

I can only relate the delay in my self-concept catching up with my body shape/size to occasions when I've had a drastic new hair-cut or colour. I know I have had it done but for weeks it is a bit of a surprise when I have looked in a mirror or caught an unexpected glimpse of myself in some reflective surface.

---------------

I went into Chichester today to return a FatFace gilet that I'd ordered online but which turned out to be too large (it was size 12). Whilst I was there I popped into a lovely clothes shop (Mistral) as they were having a sale (and everybody knows it is the height of bad manners to walk past a favoured clothes boutique when they have a sale on). 

It is only as I sit typing this post that I realise my behaviour in the changing room must mean my self-perception is getting better. I, for the first time since I was a teen, did not screw my eyes shut and mumble "please, please, please" as I pulled the dress over my head. It is something I've always done when trying on clothes. So familiar had I become with clothes being tight, looking awful and/or the claustrophobic terror that I might get stuck half in/half out of a garment that I have spent my life offering up a kind of silent prayer from various stiflingly-tiny changing rooms.. 

Today, as I was browsing, an assistant approached me and asked if she could put the things I had already selected into the changing cubical for me to try on when I was ready (oh how clothes shop assistants treat me differently now I am slimmer - or maybe I give off a more approachable vibe now I am actually enjoying the experience of clothes shopping).  

I went into the cubicle and (I didn't realise this at the time) I kept my eyes open and did not offer up the "please, please, please" prayer.  Then instead of surveying myself in the mirror and finding myself wanting, I looked at the clothes I was trying on and I assessed the quality, style, value and likability of each garment.  Wow - that is quite a revelation. YAY ME!!!!!!!!!

BeBea xxx

Happy New Year

Hello :)

I hope you all had a good New Years' Eve?  Mine was fab'.  I had a dinner party and indulged in one of my passions: cooking and entertaining.  I resisted the carbs though; with some difficulty as the roast potatoes looked scrummy, and I made a syrup sponge and some custard for desert and they smelt and looked delicious. 

Today in have been pottering around my home doing odd jobs and enjoying one of my other passions: fish keeping (today was water change day - no easy task on my 600 litre planted aquarium).  I've just realised, until now, I have not mentioned my geeky hobby on my blog.

My planted aquarium

I have kept this planted aquarium for years. It is 6' x 2' x 2'.  Here's a couple of close-ups:

Fishes enjoying the fresh water

Tiger Barbs shoaling

Happy New Year :).

BeBea xxxx

One year on - my Bandiversary :)

One year ago today I had my gastric band operation.  It has been quite a year and my 2012 New Years' resolution to lose weight has been achieved. Geldof (my band) has surpassed all of my expectations.

I reached my weight-loss target in August and I have maintained my weight (between 11st and 11st 6lbs) since then.  I am a comfortable dress size 10/12 and bra size 34F (this time last year I was an uncomfortable size 18/20 and bra size 38H).

For the most part I avoid all refined carbohydrates and I eat a high protein diet.  I do not count calories or grammes of carb, and I do not weigh or measure my food.

I eat only when I am hungry (unless social convention demands I eat when not actively hungry); I usually eat from a small bowl and I am mindful to chew my food well. I have always drunk with my meals (allowing a few seconds between swallowing food and taking a drink) and I stop eating when I am no longer actively hungry.  Most importantly: if I am not enjoying what I am eating, if it is not totally delicious, I do not eat it.  I have recognised that there is no bigger waste of food than putting it into my body when I don't want or need it (doing so will not stop children in Africa being hungry afterall!)

My band has never restricted my eating but it does dull my hunger and allow me to feel satisfied after a reasonable amount of food. I can eat all foods and have only experienced food regurgitation twice (both occasions were as a result of strong emotion causing my band to tighten).

The most challenging, and most liberating, part of my journey this year was coming to terms with, and then addressing, my emotional eating.  I have recognised that I want to eat for many reasons and that hunger is the least common of them!

Food tastes nice and has great capacity to entertain, distract and comfort. But only momentarily. The harsh - but true - reality is that when I use food to address any need other than hunger I will ultimately fail (because my need will remain unmet and I will also feel bad for eating something I didn't need.  

The thing about a compulsion to eat for a reason other than hunger is it is sooooo powerful.  Before Christmas I found myself stood staring at a tupperware box full of fresh homemade treats, everyone was out of the house, nobody would know, it would taste so good, one wouldn't hurt ect. etc.... I slammed the cupboard door shut and walked away; what was I thinking?!?!......... Only to find myself back and removing the box from the cupboard moments later. I opened the box, they smelt sooo good!  I knew I wouldn't only eat one of course. With stupendous effort I reminded myself: If the problem is not hunger the solution is not food!  I realised I was feeling stressed (3-4 days business admin that I needed to do in a 1.5 days); the solution, of course, was for me to get out to my office and work not to sit and eat.  Having recognised, and named, what the problem actually was (i.e. stress not hunger) I was able to put the box back in the cupboard and walk away. Yay me!

I often hear people, who struggle with their weight, saying they want to eat like a slim person - that they don't want to deny themselves anything and to instead have only a little of what they fancy. I think differently. If I could do that I would never have needed a gastric band. The truth is I am a food addict (carbs being my weakness) and I cannot moderate my consumption of certain foods (chocolate being the prime example). My looking at the way 'naturally' slim people eat and telling myself "I want to do that", is as unrealistic as an alcoholic looking at the way non-alcoholics drink and saying to themselves "I'll just have a couple of glasses and then stop - that's what non-alcoholics do".  For some, alcohol becomes an addiction and abstinence is the only solution - that's how it is with me and chocolate (alcohol, however, I can easily take or leave - mostly I leave it). 

In the past year I have lost my excess weight - HURRAH - but I have only done so by making considerable changes to the way I eat and to the way I think about food. This new way of eating will be with me for life and it takes conscious and deliberate effort - every day - to stick with it.

I don't regret having the band for a second and I would do so again in a heartbeat.

My most superficial (but dearest) wish this time last year was that I would be able to wear gorgeous lingerie, including stockings and suspenders :). I have achieved my wish. A photo of me in said lingerie on my blog would be way too revealing - instead  here's a 'sketch' of what that might look like ;).....................

A sketch of what I might look like in my undies ;)

Happy New Year!

Post-Christmas, and almost a year on......

I've had a wonderful Christmas. Lots of time spent with my lovely family and not a moment taken for granted.

As planned I lost a few pounds in the week preceding Christmas (I weighed 11st 3lbs on Christmas Eve) and I have indulged in refined carbohydrates over the festive period (weight this morning = 11st 6lbs). I will get back onto my high-protein low-carb regime on 1st Jan 2013 and follow my band rules to the letter for a few weeks. 

My band rules:

• No refined carbs.
• Focus meals around protein.
• Remember that dietary fat is not a bad thing (dietary sugar is!).
• Sensible portion size (I usually eat from the soup bowl pictured below).

The bowl I eat most of my meals from

• Only eat when actively hungry.
• Small bite of food, chew it well, swallow and WAIT for food to pass through the band.
• Eat MINDFULLY - always.
• Stop eating when no longer actively hungry (leave unneeded food in the bowl)
• Drink plenty of water.

Almost a year on from my band-op my body has changed a lot:

Inches lost:

• CHEST; from 48" to 40"                  =   8"
• RIBS; from 39" to 31.75"                 =  7.25"
• WAIST; from 40" to 27.5"               =  12.5"
• TUMMY; from 48" to 35"               =  13"
• HIPS; from 50" to 39.5"                  =  10.5"
• UPPER ARM; from 14" to 10.75"  =  3.25"
• THIGH; from 31" to 22.75"            =  8 .25"

            TOTAL INCHES LOST             =  62.75"

This New Year my resolution is to maintain my weight loss and to be more committed to exercise.  I've not been using my vibration plate much since the summer and I can certainly feel the difference in my muscle tone and general fitness. I've used the time off over Christmas to get back into the habit of using it. I can feel the benefit already :D. 

I also intend to appreciate every moment I get to spend with my Darling Mum. Time is so very precious. 

I hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas out there in cyber-world xx

Preparing for Christmas

Christmas, for most, is about excess. Food (and by food I meant CARBS), alcohol (since being banded I have only drunk a few glasses of alcohol whilst on holiday), snacks, parties and the likes.

Last Christmas I was on my pre-op diet :). This year I am at target and intend to allow myself a few 'treats' (bring on the champagne :)).  I've been baking and have cupboards full of slabs of millionaires shortbread, jars of homemade baileys and white chocolate fudge, tupperware stuffed with homemade pastries and triple chocolate muffins.  I had a tiny taste of some of it yesterday (when I finished making it all). I will now abstain completely (for now at least).

Christmas 2012 Tree

Christmas Day is a week today. In preparation, today, I have placed myself back on a strict low-carb diet (for the past few months I have been eating some carb to keep myself out of ketosis, otherwise I would have continued to lose weight). I hope to drop a few pounds before Christmas Day to give myself a 'buffer' and prevent the Christmas excesses pushing me back over my target weight.

I weighed myself this morning and I was 11st 7lbs (one pound over target!!) I hope to be 11st 4lbs by Christmas Eve. Wish me luck :D

This Christmas will almost certainly be my darling mums' last. I intend to enjoy my family whilst it remains whole. My mum has always made Christmas so very special and I know this one will be no exception.

I hope you all enjoy the festivities. X

Yuletide Felicitations to you all :)

This time last year I had a dream.........

Hello :)

 This time last year I was on my pre-op diet. I was so hopeful that a gastric band would be the answer to my weight problem. As an adult I had never been 'normal weight'. I was despondent that I ever would be. I had become resigned to the fact that I was a fat person, and that was how I was 'meant' to be.  I believed that no matter how hard I tried I would never be truly slim. Or at least most of me did; part of me (a hopeful and aspirational part of me) dreamed of: 

•   being 'normal weight';
•   being fit and healthy;
•   feeling sexy (and being able to wear gorgeous matching undies including stockings and suspenders;));
•   wearing size 10/12 clothes and feeling good in them;
•   feeling in control of my eating and my cravings;
•   making my husband proud;
•   my thighs not rubbing together when I walked;
•   not hiding whenever a camera was pointed in my direction;
•   my joints not aching;
•   sitting comfortably in airplane, train or cinema seat;



All of the above seemed so far away this time last year.  But my journey had begun and I was motivated and determined.


I am happy to report that I have achieved my dream (all of the above) :)

Bx