My darling mum.....

If you have read this blog from the beginning you may recall that I talked about my mum having been very poorly in 2011 and my desire to see New Year in with her despite being banded the day before NYE.

I am devastated to have to tell you that the cancer is back. She had bowel cancer diagnosed in January 2011, the day after she had part of her bowel removed and was in hospital for over month struggling with post-op complications. Mum was left with an illiostomy post surgery, and CT scans revealed secondary tumors in her lung. She had 6 months of chemotherapy in Spring and Summer 2011. Mum then had an op in November to reverse the illiostomy. In January 2012 mum had a further op to remove the secondary tumors from her lung. Her oncologist and surgeons were thrilled and very confident that the treatment had been successful.

Now mum has a large tumor in her lung and two further tumors in her liver. The tumors are inoperable. My darling mum has been told to get her affairs in order and to consider her remaining time in months rather than years. She is undergoing more chemo to try and buy her more time. My poor mum has been through so much.....

I am reeling from this knowledge. Everyone dies - I know that of course. Cancer is a horrific disease that claims the lives of so many - too soon. But this is my mum! The centre of my family. I cannot begin to anticipate the mum sized hole that will be left when she is no longer here.

My three children are devastated. My mum is the bestest Nanny. My dad is shocked and angry. My elder brother (who lives with my mum and dad) is denying reality and eating to comfort himself (he weighs 26+st and counting).....

Me? I'm learning an awful lot about my own emotional relationship to food and to eating. I'll post more about that soon.