Self concept catching up with body size/shape......

A thread on the Gastric Surgery Friends Forum this evening has got me thinking about my perception of myself and the fact that I really struggled with my head recognising my new body size/shape as I was losing weight (and to some extent now I am at target). 

I was shrinking but my perception of my size, the amount of space I took up and my body shape remained that of a much larger woman. 

My Ah-ha moment came when I saw myself on video (working out on my vibration plate). I was genuinely of the opinion that my thighs were huge (and I mean truly enormous). Looking at the video I was totally stunned - I could see on the video what I couldn't see in still photos and/or in the mirror - my thighs were entirely in proportion to the rest of me. 

I very much recommend anyone who is struggling with seeing themselves as they actually are to video themselves moving around and to watch it back. 

Since my bedroom revamp one wall is now almost entirely mirror. I spend a lot of time looking at myself in those mirrors (so vain) and moving around infront of them. Partly it is vanity (I worked hard to shed that weight) but largely it is about identity and giving myself visual feedback to 'update' my self-concept.  The mirrored area is so large it allows me a similar perspective to watching myself on video.

Moving images seem to translate so much better into updated self concept.

I can only relate the delay in my self-concept catching up with my body shape/size to occasions when I've had a drastic new hair-cut or colour. I know I have had it done but for weeks it is a bit of a surprise when I have looked in a mirror or caught an unexpected glimpse of myself in some reflective surface.

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I went into Chichester today to return a FatFace gilet that I'd ordered online but which turned out to be too large (it was size 12). Whilst I was there I popped into a lovely clothes shop (Mistral) as they were having a sale (and everybody knows it is the height of bad manners to walk past a favoured clothes boutique when they have a sale on). 

It is only as I sit typing this post that I realise my behaviour in the changing room must mean my self-perception is getting better. I, for the first time since I was a teen, did not screw my eyes shut and mumble "please, please, please" as I pulled the dress over my head. It is something I've always done when trying on clothes. So familiar had I become with clothes being tight, looking awful and/or the claustrophobic terror that I might get stuck half in/half out of a garment that I have spent my life offering up a kind of silent prayer from various stiflingly-tiny changing rooms.. 

Today, as I was browsing, an assistant approached me and asked if she could put the things I had already selected into the changing cubical for me to try on when I was ready (oh how clothes shop assistants treat me differently now I am slimmer - or maybe I give off a more approachable vibe now I am actually enjoying the experience of clothes shopping).  

I went into the cubicle and (I didn't realise this at the time) I kept my eyes open and did not offer up the "please, please, please" prayer.  Then instead of surveying myself in the mirror and finding myself wanting, I looked at the clothes I was trying on and I assessed the quality, style, value and likability of each garment.  Wow - that is quite a revelation. YAY ME!!!!!!!!!

BeBea xxx