Exactly 9 months post op - update on incision scars

Hello :)

I am exactly 9 months post op.  I am thrilled with Geldof (my band).  I couldn't have hoped for better results.  I have reached my weight loss and inch loss goal and I am now working on maintaining that loss.  I am healthier, happier and much, much fitter :)

I have taken photos of my scars this morning.  They are very faded now and they didn't concern me at all when I was wearing a bikini on both of my recent holidays.

Scars 9 months post-op.

Scars 6 months post-op

Scars 5 months pot-op

Scars 5 weeks post-op

Incisions 5 hours post-op

Visiting my ex-husband in Santa Ponça

Santa Ponça

I'm posting this from Santa Ponça, Mallorca. I'm out here visiting my ex-husband (who is like a best friend/brother to me). He is out here living and working (as a musician / singer) for the summer season. 

I have had a great week. So much better (I am certain) than it would have been had I not lost weight. I have swum in the gorgeous sea every day (at least a mile each time), I have danced and danced and danced (two nights ago I was still dancing at 4am - and fell into bed at 5.30am).

Night out at Durty Nellys (my ex is on the right) 

My dance buddy was a 22year old adorable young woman who works with my ex - I certainly couldn't have kept up with a 22year old when I was 88lbs heavier!

Gorgeous bay where I swum each day

About to take a dip 

I have stuck to my diet, and drank plenty of water and tea (a solitary glass of alcohol on my first night).  It has been wonderful to catch up with my ex and to see him perform (he is a fantastic musician and singer).

View from the balcony where I am sitting typing this post

Tomorrow is my last day here.  I head home to my gorgeous hubby (I've missed him terribly) and family on Sunday morning.  I will be sad to say goodbye to both my ex and Santa Ponça and overjoyed to see hubby, kids and my adorable puppy :)

We'll see what the scales say when I get home.

UPDATE:  I am now home and my weight is exactly the same as when I left (yay!!)  I am booked for a fill on Wednesday (third one since being banded).  I hope that will help me to maintain my weight loss.

I am no longer fat - it's OFFICIAL!!

Normal BMI!!!

For the first time since I was 18 years old my BMI is below 25!!  Only just at 24.9 but, regardless, I am now OFFICIALLY considered normal weight for my height. YAY ME :D!

When I started this process I decided if I got to target I would 'reward' myself with new bedroom furniture, remodelling of my built in wardrobes (to accommodate my lovely size 12 clothes :)) and redecoration.  The furniture is on order and the new wardrobe doors are waiting to be fitted.  I am a very lucky girl :).

On Monday I am flying out to Mallorca for a week long visit with my first husband (who is like a brother to me), he is working as a musician in a hotel out there.  I am planning to do lots of swimming and walking when I'm there (he tends to sleep very late in the day so I'll have lots of time each morning to get myself to the beach and swim, swim, swim, swim :)).

xxx

Airports are different now I'm thinner......

I'm in an airport waiting for a flight, not an unusual experience as I travel a lot for my business, and today I am acutely aware of how different the experience is to when I was 6st heavier.

Today I have just enjoyed a small brie salad - slowly - and I savoured every mouthful. It was truly delicious and I feel satisfied with what I have eaten. Previously I would probably have wolfed down a burger and chips and a large diet coke and then gone to 'stock up' on drinks and snacks for the plane (maybe two 500ml bottles of diet coke a share sized bag of chocolate and a grab bag of crisps).

I would be dreading getting on the flight incase I was seated next to someone and they would have to 'endure' my bulk and I would endure my shame. Or, even worse, that I would be sat next to someone equally large and we would struggle to fit :(. Being physically jammed against a complete stranger with no ability to move away is not pleasant!

I loathed adjusing the seatbelt to its greatest length and then having to breathe in to get the buckle fastened.  Nowadays I have to tighten, rather than loosen, the belt and I have a foot of belt to spare :).

Today I am sitting in a cafe area freezing cold.  Autumn appears to have arrived today and, when I packed for my trip I didn't account for how chilly it was going to get, my feet are freezing (tights and boots tomorrow).  I feel the cold much more now I am thinner - but on the plus side I am much more comfortable with hot weather.

Flight is being called - must dash. 

Maintenance - the real challenge begins......

I am at my target - or thereabouts (I'm fluctuating a pound or two upwards but no more).  Now the real challenge begins.  How do I maintain the loss?

I know I need a fill (not able to get one until the end of the month due to my work commitments preventing me from being able to attend the clinic when the fill nurse is available). I am feeling hungrier than I have become accustomed to, my portion sizes are increasing and I am thinking about food a lot.

I am wanting to eat for the pleasure of it; and to eat when I am not hungry; and to continue eating beyond satiety.

In short, old thoughts and behaviours are creeping in :(.

My holiday was amazing and I've struggled to get back into good band behaviours since I returned. I have exercised but not with the regularity and/or commitment that I was doing so before I left.  As I type this I am realising that is the key. I have fallen back into eating when I am not hungry. Prior to going away I had stopped doing that. Instead of reaching for food when I was stressed or sad I would jump on my vibration plate. I need to get my head back into that space. Just writing this down has helped already. I will go and jump on my vibration plate right now :D.

Thanks for listening dearest blog............








................ you are right of course:

if the problem is not hunger,  then the solution is not food!!

xxxxx

My wonderful belated honeymoon with PHOTOS ;)

Me on my holibobs with the ship behind me (Malaga)

I had the most wonderful holiday with my wonderful husband.  For the first time in 12 years I wore a bikini (and in public too).

Proof that I bared my flesh in public!!

A cruise was probably not the best place to try and maintain my weight *understatement of the century*, and I did eat more than I would have eaten at home, and I drank alcohol (which is something I have not done at all since being banded).  I was determined, however, not to undo all of my hard work and I am pleased to report that I only gained 1lb in the two weeks that I was away.

I was frequently amazed by how much food some people ate - for breakfast, in the buffet restaurant, I saw many people pack away more than I eat in an entire week (maybe two)!

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Husband also managed to maintain his weight during the cruise; he beasted himself in the gym onboard every day and was very restrained in what he ate - I'm so proud of him (anyone who has read this blog from the beginning will know he too struggles with his weight and that he was 21st 7lbs around five years ago).  There was, of course, other forms of exercise readily available.........................

Mount Vesuvius

Monte Carlo

.............................well it was our honeymoon ;)

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Eternity ring that husband gave me 

Whilst we were onboard we renewed our wedding vows in the ship's chapel.  The Captain performed the ceremony.  It was really lovely :)

Listening to husband as he renewed his vows to me

Official photographers' snap out on deck after the service 

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On our wedding anniversary I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted (within reason) and I ate lots of carbs.  That is the only time, since I started out on this weight loss journey, that I have done that - every other day before (and since) I have exercised conscious and, often difficult, restraint with regard to what I choose to put in my mouth (oo er!!).

I found carbs went down very easily and I wanted to eat, and was able to eat, much more than I would ordinarily.  For breakfast I had toast and croissant with butter and preserves, for lunch I ate half a 12" pizza, for afternoon snack I had a waffle, with clotted cream and marinated strawberries and for dinner I had two bread rolls, scallops with potato, filet mignon with fries, mushrooms, asparagus and creamed spinach followed by a selection of desserts (which I shared with hubby).  I was amazed at how much I could eat and I am sure I could have eaten more had I allowed myself!

Top of  Mount Vesuvius

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Whilst onboard husband and I got the opportunity to visit the bridge....

Looking out at the view from the ships' bridge

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We had an amazing honeymoon and I am home feeling relaxed and refreshed.  Our children did a great job of looking after the house, Dobby and each other.  Life is pretty good.................

I've done it!!!!!!!!!

Today is a FANTASTIC DAY!!!

In an hour's time I will be being picked up and driven to Southampton Docks where I will set sail on a 14 night cruise of the Med :).  It is my belated honeymoon with my wonderful husband (we will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary whilst onboard).  I have not had a holiday in 12 years (baring my flesh on a beach or next to a pool wasn't too appealing when I was bigger)!

The best Bon Voyage present I could have received is the fact that this morning (Saturday is weigh-in day) I have reached my target!!!  I weigh 11st 6lbs :).   Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My vital stats now read 41.5 - 28 -  41.5 *I am gobsmacked*; which gives me a waist/hip ratio of 6.5.

Who knows I might even be brave enough to post a few holiday snaps when I return...............

Ambivalent?

Hello everyone :)

I'm struggling a bit....

I'm 12lbs (ish) from my goal weight. In the past two weeks I have, subconsciously I think, increased the amount I am eating.


The result is my weight loss has stopped (I'm doing the 2lb shuffle).


I have had 'a word' with myself today and I realise I am somewhat ambivalent about losing the last 12lbs.  I'm 5' 7" (size 8 feet) and have always been curvy (currently 41 - 29 - 41) and I think I fear losing my curves  :/   I am now size 12-14.


My ambivalence wonders about BMI (currently 26) as a measure of what is healthy and points out that my waist / hip ratio (currently 0.7) is considered healthy!  Then my bloody ambivalence *evil*  says "ah but why wouldn't you want a normal BMI and to reach your goal....?"


And..........I fear that my ambivalence could be eminating from my internal saboteur  - the part of me that has failed at every diet I have ever attempted. It is not, I am sure, irrelevant that 11st 12lbs (my current weight) is the lightest I have weighed as an adult (I have got here before and then eaten my way all the way back to 17.5st!).


It has helped me get some perspective writing this lot down xx

Bx

Vital statistics......

As of this morning my vital statistics read: 41 - 29 - 41

On 20th November 2011 (the day I started my pre-op diet) my vital stats read:
48 - 40 - 50

I am loving Geldof (my band) and my vibro-plate :)

Bx

Guilty!

He was willing to plead guilty to ABH (section 20) if the prosecution dropped the section 18 "with intent". Since proving intent within our adversarial system would have been very difficult my son was content with his attackers' admission of guilt (even if he denied intent to cause serious harm).

We are going out for a meal this evening to celebrate (steak and salad for me - yummy)

Sentencing will be at a later date. We are looking forward to that and to seeing him 'taken down' - mens' prison is not a place most 18 year olds would relish spending even a single night, never mind months or possibly years.

Bx

My son's attacker is in court tomorrow......

.......please send any spare good vibes you have our way :)

My 16yo son was assaulted a few months ago at a house party by a man he had never met before. The man (17) who was wearing an electronic tag for previously assaulting someone else (and had broken his curfew to attend the party) took a dislike to my boy.

He punched him repeatedly, rammed his face into a doorframe (breaking his nose) then took a bottle and smashed it over the side of my sons' head (causing the glass to shatter) and he then plunged the splintered remains into my boys' face (just above his right eye) and he proceeded to drag the glass down his face, across his neck and then to push it into his upper chest. Mercifully at that point a number of people managed to pull him off (I shudder to think what could have happened if he'd have had more time to push the bottle in further - the hole he left in my sons' chest was horrific enough as it was!)

My son had many stitches, steri-strips and lots of glue holding his numerous lacerations together. He has been left with serious scarring (particularly to his neck and chest).

The thug who did this to him stands trial tomorrow for Wounding with Intent (Section 18) - the maximum sentence for which is 'life' (not that he will get a fraction of that if he is found guilty - he is 18 now but was technically a juvenile when he committed the crime).

My son is an amazing young man (I know I am biased but non-biased people totally agree with me) and we are so proud of him for so many things; and non more so than the mature and brave way he as dealt with this whole ordeal.

I very much hope the trial goes ahead tomorrow and that the jury are able come to the right and just decision.

Bx

Vibration platform...........VIDEO!!!

I can't quite believe I am about to publish these videos of myself using the vibration platform.  My teenage kids would be mortified if they knew!  Especially of the second one - lol.

It is amazing what the anonymity of blogging allows one to do (only my husband knows about my blog - nobody else in my 'real life' is aware).

If you are someone who knows me please let me know (gently) - I am posting assuming you are all strangers or gastric surgery friends ;)


Clip one: a fairly standard workout.......

Or, if you cannot access the clip above, click here.

Clip two: the embarrassing one.......!

I challenge any of you to listen to James Brown and not get your funk on!!! LOL

Or, if you cannot access the clip above, click here.

BeBea xx

Very happy - waist measurement target achieved!!

At this mornings' weigh and measure I was thrilled to reach my target waist measurement :D. I'm loving my vibro-plate :)

P.S. As well as making my waist measurement target: today also represents exactly 5.5st loss, less than 1st to go to target weight and the first time I have weighed 11st something in many years!

Conquering emotional eating

Geldof (my band) is teaching me a lot about my past use of food to deal with my emotions - primarily stress.

I have found this book very helpful in understanding how I use food and what to do about it.

Having spent £5.5K on my band, and worked so hard to get my weight down, I am determined to not fall into a tub of Ben & Jerrys or to stuff myself full of chocolate in an attempt to feel momentarily better about how much work I have to do (and how little time) and to feel less sad and empty about my mum's prognosis.

Let's face it eating 'comfort food' full of carbohydrate, calories, fat and sugar won't change anything - I'll still have a full inbox, my accounts will still need completing, invoices will not have written and sent themselves, numerous reports will still need writing and my mum will still be dying. The only thing that will have changed is I will feel guilty for having eaten junk and physically I will, ultimately, gain weight and revert to feeling bloated, headachy, sluggish and uncomfortable.

I consider myself a very self aware individual (I'm a qualified psychotherapist) and as such I have been amazed how much of my emotional connection to food has been out of my awareness until now.

I have had to find new, healthier, ways of acknowledging and then dealing with my stress and grief. My new 'best friend' in this regard is my vibration plate (see here). When I get an urge to eat junk I instead jump on my wobble board and exercise the desire away. It works!

I spend 10 minutes on my vibration plate, working out with weights, and the urge to eat diminishes :D. Additionally, in the three weeks that I have been using the vibro-plate, I have seen incredible results in terms of inches lost and increased body tone. I have also stopped feeling an urge to eat when I am feeling sad or stressed - I now get an urge to exercise!! I cannot quite believe that I (yes I) am saying that.

I will get some photos of me using the vibro plate up here over the weekend (I might even post video if I can work out how)..........

Bariatric food reviews dot com - check it out.....

This is a really interesting website. Thought you might like to have a look.



Bx

For any boy bandits (or would be bandits).....

.....check out this blog written by a male bandit buddy of mine from this fabulous forum.

Bx

My darling mum.....

If you have read this blog from the beginning you may recall that I talked about my mum having been very poorly in 2011 and my desire to see New Year in with her despite being banded the day before NYE.

I am devastated to have to tell you that the cancer is back. She had bowel cancer diagnosed in January 2011, the day after she had part of her bowel removed and was in hospital for over month struggling with post-op complications. Mum was left with an illiostomy post surgery, and CT scans revealed secondary tumors in her lung. She had 6 months of chemotherapy in Spring and Summer 2011. Mum then had an op in November to reverse the illiostomy. In January 2012 mum had a further op to remove the secondary tumors from her lung. Her oncologist and surgeons were thrilled and very confident that the treatment had been successful.

Now mum has a large tumor in her lung and two further tumors in her liver. The tumors are inoperable. My darling mum has been told to get her affairs in order and to consider her remaining time in months rather than years. She is undergoing more chemo to try and buy her more time. My poor mum has been through so much.....

I am reeling from this knowledge. Everyone dies - I know that of course. Cancer is a horrific disease that claims the lives of so many - too soon. But this is my mum! The centre of my family. I cannot begin to anticipate the mum sized hole that will be left when she is no longer here.

My three children are devastated. My mum is the bestest Nanny. My dad is shocked and angry. My elder brother (who lives with my mum and dad) is denying reality and eating to comfort himself (he weighs 26+st and counting).....

Me? I'm learning an awful lot about my own emotional relationship to food and to eating. I'll post more about that soon.

Incisions 6 months on........

Ooopsie I just accidentally deleted a post I added a few days ago - doh!!

Apologies to the people who had left comments on that post.

I will re-publish the photos that the deleted post had on it - my incision scars from 5 hours post op (30th December 2011) to 30th June 2012 (6 months post op).

scars 6 months post op

scars 5 months post op

scars 5 weeks post op

incision sites 5 hours post op

6 months in - PHOTOS!!

Since today is my 6 month bandiversary I have plucked up the courage to post some photos.

I don't actually have any photos of me at my biggest (I hid from cameras and deleted any that were taken).  I do have a photo of me setting up for my daughter's 18th birthday party - that one survived because there were other people in it (I've cropped them out below).

If you are due to have a gastric band or are recently banded I urge you to take photos of yourself now and regularly as you lose.  I so wish I had....

Here goes...............

May 2011 - not at my biggest I put on 2st more pre-band

30th June 2012 - side view for comparison with above pic

June 2012 - 6 months post band

The dog in the pics is my beloved chocolate lab Dobby :D.

I have a little over a stone (17lbs) to shed before I reach my target weight.  I will post more pics if/when I get there..................................

Today is my 6 month bandiversary.........

6 months ago today I was banded.

I am so pleased I did it. I would do it in a heartbeat if I had to make the decision again (knowing what I now know).

My band, Geldof, is now part of me and he helps to stop me obsessing about food, to slow me down when I do eat and to permit me to feel satisfied after a reasonable amount of food. I used to consider what I now eat to be a small amount of food - my mindset has soooo changed on that; I eat suffient, and I don't feel deprived.

I'm not saying this band thing is easy. It doesn't do the work for me. Only I can decide what to put in my mouth and how much to move my body. I am dieting, Geldof is assisting to make sticking to my diet less difficult.


Life is different now:

* I wear size 12-14 clothing;
* I have more energy and my joints don't hurt anymore;
* I can enter a cafe and not have to plan my route between the tables and chairs :);
* I feel sexy again and my sex life with my husband is once again incredible.....;
* I only ever eat food that is both healthy and delicious - if it isn't yummy I stop eating (before I would eat food I wasn't enjoying faster to 'get rid of it');
* I think about food much, much less often;
* I actually enjoy walking (never understood before people who wanted to go for a 'nice walk');
* I am happier and more confident in every area of my life;
* I no longer reach for food to deal with my emotions (my increasing understanding of my emotional eating warrants a separate post - I will put writing that particular post onto my todo list);

This is how my tickers look 6 months post band: