One year on - my Bandiversary :)

One year ago today I had my gastric band operation.  It has been quite a year and my 2012 New Years' resolution to lose weight has been achieved. Geldof (my band) has surpassed all of my expectations.

I reached my weight-loss target in August and I have maintained my weight (between 11st and 11st 6lbs) since then.  I am a comfortable dress size 10/12 and bra size 34F (this time last year I was an uncomfortable size 18/20 and bra size 38H).

For the most part I avoid all refined carbohydrates and I eat a high protein diet.  I do not count calories or grammes of carb, and I do not weigh or measure my food.

I eat only when I am hungry (unless social convention demands I eat when not actively hungry); I usually eat from a small bowl and I am mindful to chew my food well. I have always drunk with my meals (allowing a few seconds between swallowing food and taking a drink) and I stop eating when I am no longer actively hungry.  Most importantly: if I am not enjoying what I am eating, if it is not totally delicious, I do not eat it.  I have recognised that there is no bigger waste of food than putting it into my body when I don't want or need it (doing so will not stop children in Africa being hungry afterall!)

My band has never restricted my eating but it does dull my hunger and allow me to feel satisfied after a reasonable amount of food. I can eat all foods and have only experienced food regurgitation twice (both occasions were as a result of strong emotion causing my band to tighten).

The most challenging, and most liberating, part of my journey this year was coming to terms with, and then addressing, my emotional eating.  I have recognised that I want to eat for many reasons and that hunger is the least common of them!

Food tastes nice and has great capacity to entertain, distract and comfort. But only momentarily. The harsh - but true - reality is that when I use food to address any need other than hunger I will ultimately fail (because my need will remain unmet and I will also feel bad for eating something I didn't need.  

The thing about a compulsion to eat for a reason other than hunger is it is sooooo powerful.  Before Christmas I found myself stood staring at a tupperware box full of fresh homemade treats, everyone was out of the house, nobody would know, it would taste so good, one wouldn't hurt ect. etc.... I slammed the cupboard door shut and walked away; what was I thinking?!?!......... Only to find myself back and removing the box from the cupboard moments later. I opened the box, they smelt sooo good!  I knew I wouldn't only eat one of course. With stupendous effort I reminded myself: If the problem is not hunger the solution is not food!  I realised I was feeling stressed (3-4 days business admin that I needed to do in a 1.5 days); the solution, of course, was for me to get out to my office and work not to sit and eat.  Having recognised, and named, what the problem actually was (i.e. stress not hunger) I was able to put the box back in the cupboard and walk away. Yay me!

I often hear people, who struggle with their weight, saying they want to eat like a slim person - that they don't want to deny themselves anything and to instead have only a little of what they fancy. I think differently. If I could do that I would never have needed a gastric band. The truth is I am a food addict (carbs being my weakness) and I cannot moderate my consumption of certain foods (chocolate being the prime example). My looking at the way 'naturally' slim people eat and telling myself "I want to do that", is as unrealistic as an alcoholic looking at the way non-alcoholics drink and saying to themselves "I'll just have a couple of glasses and then stop - that's what non-alcoholics do".  For some, alcohol becomes an addiction and abstinence is the only solution - that's how it is with me and chocolate (alcohol, however, I can easily take or leave - mostly I leave it). 

In the past year I have lost my excess weight - HURRAH - but I have only done so by making considerable changes to the way I eat and to the way I think about food. This new way of eating will be with me for life and it takes conscious and deliberate effort - every day - to stick with it.

I don't regret having the band for a second and I would do so again in a heartbeat.

My most superficial (but dearest) wish this time last year was that I would be able to wear gorgeous lingerie, including stockings and suspenders :). I have achieved my wish. A photo of me in said lingerie on my blog would be way too revealing - instead  here's a 'sketch' of what that might look like ;).....................

A sketch of what I might look like in my undies ;)

Happy New Year!